Fun Fragile Times

I know I do write quite a bit about some scary life experiences I have had. I have some other memories. There were times when I was a child that I spent long afternoons playing Barbies with the two sisters I grew up with. In the wintertime, there were massive snowbanks where we would dig tunnels, and we would also go sledding and skating. Our parents used to take us camping in the summertime. We would swim and eat hot dogs cooked over an open fire. My Mum made this kind of bannok cooked on a stick and fill it up with jam for us on these camping excursions. It's becoming important to me to keep those good memories in mind. With practice, it can become natural to think positive, almost all the time. Three years ago, I couldn't think positive, at least barely ever. I had been trying to quit smoking for a long time. It was my smoking habit that brought out the problems that my long drinking career had been creating in my life. Every area was affected. When I tried to quit these things, I was miserable, every day. Today, and I know that today could be my last day, I concentrate on thinking about things that are uplifting or at least subjects that don't bring me down.

I talk and write about all these things that happened to me when I was growing up and as a young adult because it is in the past, my past, it's what I know. This is what happened. An uncle told me that I should create a character to write stories about, insinuating that my books are no good, he never read a one. He doesn't know. But I thought, why would I create a fictional character? I am right here. And my story is at least as good as something I could make up. This is where positive thinking can come into play. I was up late into the night reading articles when I started to research something, I forget what it was that brought it about, but I went down a dark path of symptom checking. By the time I went to bed, I was convinced that I had some rare disease. Except, in most instances, only Caucasian men ever have it. When I awoke, I was feeling optimistic and shed whatever it was that had caused me to get thinking terrible. Grateful for the day, I went about my usual business. The spring of the year I quit drinking I was overweight and lost 15 pounds, then after I quit in September, I slowly lost twenty pounds over a period of about two years. I quit eating meat and other animal products, rarely eating sugar, other processed foods, etc., and lost another fifteen pounds. After this, I had food-poisoning. I lost some more weight, becoming rather underweight. I think I understand how fragile a person can be. How quickly life can be taken away. One good flu and I could have been kaput. But I am healthy. I think I was officially shedding the last fat that I had begun to accumulate somewhere between the ages of 11 and 13. Surely I was experiencing the toxins from those fat cells being released into my system. I emotionally felt so awful. Even this, positive thinking was no match for! I took a day off.

I recently started taking a mindfulness course. This is how I keep it together. I also work a lot. I watch as much television as possible. I enjoy life in a way that I never did before. This is a time that will never happen for me again. With all the powerful and unstable events happening in the world today, I can not possibly know what tomorrow may bring. With that I know how much living is just for today. Sometimes, just for this moment.

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While you are here,

Lisa L'Heureux is the author of 7 books. Her work includes the Lisa's Sober Blog Series, This and the Man in the Moon and This One is About Domestic Violence. She lives with her family in Alberta, Canada.

More than six years ago, Lisa retired from practicing alcoholism.

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